Author Archives: Bevin

Yeah, I know that it’s been awhile.  I just don’t like posting here when I could hear comments back from friends/family asking me why I didn’t talk to them about it.  I guess that’s why you wander off and don’t post for an extended period.

So, I’m here!  Hard to believe maybe but it’s true.  I’ve been using Twitter more and more often, and it should be simple to find me there, aside from the updates directly here on the blog.

I feel like anything I’d say at this point would be more of a catching-up for anyone reading the blog, but I’m not in the mood.

I’ve got a few people that are being particularly annoying lately, and some of them are plainly being idiots.  Bah!

Wow I’m really not feeling this blogging thing.  I can’t talk about what I’d like to anyway.  I’m going to go catch up on phone calls for the morning.  

I’m at Boyd’s this afternoon. That’s why I have internet. That’s why it has been so hard this week… but if I’m willing to spend the money on coffee I suppose I might as well go get my free internet while I’m at it.The above never got posted – or finished. Here we go:

NRE (New Relationship Energy) is odd. We all get it of course… it’s just, what do you do when your partner is experiencing it with someone else? (Just to clarify, this is all old news at this point; I just haven’t talked about it here yet.)Sure, often there isn’t much you can do about how you feel towards someone, but on some level I think there are things that you can do.

I guess it’s just hard because when you’re raised to think one person + one person = happiness; that kind of thing is hard to break out of. Really hard. It does help to know that jealousy is built into everyone, and isn’t something to feel shameful of. Just something you have to recognize and deal with. How do you break out of that feeling? How do you become okay with your lover having that NRE with someone else? Being intimate with someone else?

It’s a hard world to break into, that’s for sure. It requires an incredible amount of trust, and on some level many people don’t realize that they don’t already have that much trust in a person. Even if you’ve accepted the idea and are comfortable with it to the point that you could practice it in real life, that certainly doesn’t mean that you and your partner should choose to practice it. Many couples identify as being polyamorous yet they do not (at least currently) have multiple partners, which is just as okay.Some say that in order for this lifestyle to work you flat-out have to identify as polyamorous. You have to be polyamorous, you can’t just be polyamorous.

Lots of things to think about.

Portland: Day 4

Today has been slow. Stuff is finally starting to get unpacked, and one might actually confuse the floor with a space to walk. A lot of knitting has been done, and my penchant to sleep in has all but been eradicated by the large window in the bedroom.

Yesterday was spent cleaning up a bit and actually putting things away in the kitchen after I’d used them.  Hooray for cabinet and counter space! The kitchen feels so large to me after what we had in Bellevue.

On another note, my parents ordered a couch from IKEA for the condo. They really like the couch, and the idea that they’d get to use the couch when they visited, so all of that combined with the idea that they would use it when they finally moved in led to its purchase.  I quite like it, although the color is a little odd.  But when picking colors for a leather couch there are only so many that I would really like anyway, none of which were available in this model.  If they had a dark brown I would have pushed for it.

So the couch has been purchased, and sometime in the next 10 days I should be receiving a call to schedule the delivery.

That day we also purchased a dresser for the bedroom because we just have that many clothes. Heh.  It looks quite nice though.

The first day that Josh and I were here by ourselves was on Sunday, and boy was that nice. Sure the place is a mess, but being able to just hang out for a day by ourselves in our hew home was much more enjoyable than I expected.

Oh!  I’ve managed to de-clutter a lot of my wardrobe (although Josh would say that “a lot” was an exaggeration). Yesterday we delivered a large box and grocery bag full of our stuff to the local thrift store. It feels nice to unload a bunch of stuff that we really didn’t need, especially because I’m trying really hard not to be as much of a packrat as my dad is.

I still haven’t started looking for a job despite the fact that I feel it will be necessary to find one quickly. We have more debt than I’d like on the credit card, including all of the moving costs, new furniture, Ashley’s “loan”, and a major car fix about a month ago. Add to that the $1,000/month rent we’ll be paying and it gets to be pretty clear what I need to be focusing on. It’d just be nice to get settled first.

This whole job-finding thing makes me nervous. What if there aren’t any yarn shops looking for someone? That would make my choices difficult.

The Ravelry forums aren’t making me feel any better either. Everybody and their cousin has a very strong opinion about every single yarn shop they’ve been to, and even if they don’t deserve it the employees and shops are getting bashed left and right. Makes a person want to say “screw you” and not apply at all. I mean, who wants to be a part of such a negative community? Everybody knows that Best Buy is evil but everybody goes anyway, they just make sure to have that expectation in mind. It gets annoying after awhile.

And since it’s my blog I’m not going to add the whole “I’m sure not everyone is like this and just so you know I’m just ranting so don’t take it seriously” bit to these entries, because that gets old after awhile and you all should be smart enough to see when it applies.  So there.

On a different note, does anyone have any observations as to the differences between Portland coffee and Seattle coffee? Twice now when I’ve had my normal vanilla latte it’s been overwhelmingly sweet.  I might actually have to switch to a regular latte.  Oof.

It has been an issue lately for me to get motivated to write in this damn blog.  I think it’s because I can’t reconcile what I want to do with it.  I want it to be a place to find cool things and information, but I also want it to be a place where people can come and get updates about my life.  I don’t like the idea of directing people to only part of my blog so I’ve just kind of hung out in this limbo and not posting because I don’t feel that the posts have anything useful to say.

Regardless, here I am again.  I’m at Tully’s having a chai latte to kill some time this afternoon.  If you guessed that I was at their New Main location you’d be wrong; I’m actually at the one at the mall.  Yes, I am crazy.

Frankly I had a lot of trouble deciding what to eat for lunch today (yeah, I know, so tragic), so I eventually wandered off towards the mall and settled on a gyro.  Yum.  In the end this whole mall idea probably wasn’t a good one, solely because there are so many people here!  Oof.

In recent knitting news I finished another project today.  The past couple of days I’ve been knitting a scarf pattern that is of Deborah’s design… it’s pretty spiffy.  She talked me into getting that Road To China yarn by The Fibre Co. and oh man is it soft.  I’m pretty sad that I’m already done knitting it but in the end I was just too anxious to have it done.  I was pretty happy with the result, although Deb is a much tighter knitter than I am, so following the pattern she was bound to get a tad more length than I.  No surprise that I’m wearing the scarf now.  🙂  I’ll have it on my Ravelry page soon.

Josh was sweet enough to leave me with his baby, the Nikon D70s this week so that I can bring it to Tuesday’s knit night and help Becky B. take pictures of her stash for her own Ravelry page.  I have so much more luck with that camera than I do with my own point-and-shoot.  Josh says that I can create almost as good results with my point-and-shoot, but I’m not convinced.  I might not know all the words for all of the things I’m doing, but I kind of know my way around things.  It was fun today at least, because I was able to figure out pretty easily how to get the external wireless flash going without much trouble.

So what else is new, other than my move?  I did see the condo this weekend.  I rode down with Josh and his parents took their truck full of our stuff down as well, and we all loaded it in.  It was kind of a fun little operation… we’d unload a bunch of stuff from the truck in stages and move it to the lobby, then into the elevator, then out of the elevator, then down to the condo.  It didn’t take us more than a couple of hours at most.

The condo might be a little small, but the kitchen is a really nice size and the deck is pretty nice.  Also, there are outlets and cable hookups everywhere!  Woo!  Josh called Quest last week and our internet service should be transferring over this coming Wednesday, so by the time I’m there the internet will be up and running.

Sleeping in the studio here is a little odd considering it’s mostly empty.  Then there’s the fact that I don’t officially have a bed, and there’s no internet or other media to watch.  I stopped storing movies and TV shows on my laptop once we got the external hard drives, so I’m kind of strapped for entertainment.  Other than knitting of course!  But I am limited to the music that is currently on my iPhone, which is a little weird/annoying.

Portland should be a lot of fun in the end I think.  It’ll be good for both of us to move.  It’s just a little sad because I was just meeting new friends, and old friends are just starting to come and visit when we up and move out of state.  My friends and I are going to have to do our sweater-of-the-month club stuff remotely now.  Oh well.

I’m going to stop by Express again today because I got a cute shirt there the other day and I think I might pick up another one.  Umm… that’s it for now.  I think I’m going to head home.

If you’ve talked to me at all lately you’re probably aware that I have a less-than-healthy love for sushi.  This is mostly a new thing for me and will probably be another thing that I grow tired of by the end of the year.  But like all of my obsessions, I rarely notice.

Lisa and I met up this evening and went out for sushi; now a common occurrence for us.  I’m not sure what did it but suddenly she’s really into the stuff!  I have to say that our sushi was pretty good but I found it a little expensive.  Sure, I know I’m cheap, but really $7.50 for a 6 piece Cali roll is just outrageous.  That and charging us $4 each for miso soup.  Heh.  It is the first visit to I Love Sushi for either of us though, so it was fun to go to a place that is highly regarded in the Bellevue area.

I ended up buying her dinner because I missed her birthday in Feb. and I feel a little bad about that.  Especially since I haven’t come up with anything hand knitted.  Oops.  I gave her a hat for christmas (just like everyone else) and it would have been silly to give her a second one.

In other news I can’t say there is much going on.  Sure, there is a lot going on but it’s all big stuff that I feel a little odd mentioning at this point.  Besides, the blog post would be too long.

Oh!  And to be even more ADD about it, Josh bought me yarn!  It was incredibly sweet of him.  Sure it’s a yarn that we sell at the shop, but when you’re looking at a 70% discount on a discontinued color one really can’t complain.  In the end he bought me two bags of one color, and one in another color so that he may knit me a tank top.  Fun!

As if that yarn purchase isn’t enough I spent a boatload (comparatively) at the Hilltop Yarn shop in Seattle when they had their 50% off sale.  Of course every single thing (other than the book) was Malabrigo yarn.  One day I will beat this addiction.

I’ve been more motivated to update my Ravelry page, so stay tuned for more pictures and a better representation of what  I’m up to in the knitting world.

This blog post was meant to be more meaningful but I’m just not feeling it right now.  I’ll update tomorrow or so with some pictures.

Despite the fact that I have lots to write about… well, you know.

Many things have happened.  I am currently sitting in a Tully’s coffee shop in Issaquah waiting for Josh to finish a meeting with a guy that used to work at Apple with him.

It is raining.

We know I’m not the best writer.  We know that I don’t really practice in the way one should; I don’t make the time.  In any case, I tend to enjoy more of a free association style (maybe it’s because I’m lazy) and as such have kind of a repeating tone throughout my posts (unless I’m angry, heh).

That’s part of why I haven’t been updating this thing.  On the one hand I got aggravated with my writing style, and on the other I just felt that there was too much to catch up on.  Once I get to a certain point there’s just too much and somehow it’s okay to start writing again, because I can really just skim over the old subjects.

Feb/March has been incredibly busy for Josh and I.  We had to make the decision whether to pick up and move to downtown Portland or stay in Bellevue (we decided to go).  Then my parents started Condo hunting for their retirement with the idea that they’d rent it out to us, and bought one.  Then a former co-worker of Josh’s e-mailed him and hinted that they should get together to talk about the new software company that was just started, and whether Josh might be interested in joining their team (the latter of which was only hinted at).  I’m currently at the coffee shop waiting for this meeting to end, so that we can again decide whether to stay in Bellevue or move to Portland.

Big decisions, I know.

Josh has all but given up on flight school; it’s just too expensive.  Unless a random rich person wants to fund his schooling to eventually have an on-call personal pilot (yeah right) it’s just not that feasible.  Okay, I exaggerated a little there.  Josh doesn’t consider it feasible, because he hates getting into debt and refuses to take out a loan, even if it’s just a portion.  Bah, moving on.

We’re in limbo and it’s really odd.  I suppose that’s my point.

In other news I’ve been knitting a lot, although not as much as I’d like to.  I seem to be in a weird funk about it, and can’t motivate myself to finish the shop model.  Soon I’ll have had it so long that I’ll make that much less money on it.  We’ll see.

Okay, I’ve also lost my motivation to write the is post, haha.  Allison called me yesterday and left a message about the fact that we hadn’t talked in awhile, and in it she mentioned that she didn’t even know if we were in Portland already or not.

And you know, I’m not so sure of that myself.

I’m officially a bum when it comes to this blog.

I’m starting to like the fact that it’s public less and less. I mean, sure, Google doesn’t index my new entries (cuts down on spam), but that doesn’t mean I don’t advertise my blog in various areas (Ravelry for example).

Josh likes to do his “bah!” thing when he gets nervous/depressed, and I feel inclined to do the same lately. Stress levels for me have been high lately and I know it’s not a good thing. Part of it is work, part of it is Josh, and part of it is my inability to do some things.

I’m consistently operating under the assumption that after certain things happen life will get easier. In my head I know that these are silly things to think, because if behavior doesn’t change I’ll still be the same in the end.

I find that it’s hard having friends who are far away. My “best friend” almost never answers her phone so I don’t really have her to rely on as someone to talk to when I get upset. Another friend is going fantastic places in her life, but it also means that she’s busy a lot of the time, so coordinating conversations gets hard. Another friend works an 8-5 job Monday-Friday, so if I need to talk to her about Josh things the “when” gets a little tricky. The other friend I’d love to talk to more often doesn’t really like having phone conversations, and lately I’ve been anti-computer.

Well, unless I’m playing UT with Josh.

Part of that is why I’ve been a bum. After awhile of non-updates to the blog I just get overwhelmed with all that I have to update it with, although at this point there’s too much to cover.

I think I’m going to end this for now. At least it has been slightly updated.

I find lately that so much and so little are going on at the same time.  Enough that I don’t want to write a blog post about it at least.

Lots of hats have been knit, projects ignored, books mooched, accounts updated, news stories read, clothes bought, and cookies made.  That seems to cover most of it.

I have definitely been taking some nice pictures of the outside world occasionally though:

Which I find fun.

Speaking of cameras, Josh bought a new one.  A coworker of his had a screw up with his own Nikon D70s, and in the end accidentally got two.  Refurbished, of course, but two nonetheless.  Josh got his hands on it for a great deal (around $450), so now we have my puny Sony DSC-T1, his Nikon 5400, and now the Nikon D70s, an actual DSLR unlike the other two.

I can’t help but think that my lack of writing in this blog is a direct result of me not wanting Josh to read it, which is odd since I still don’t know what I’ll say.

I very much like the idea of having a blog, but I can’t seem to meld the blog aspect and the journal aspect, which is part of why I think I have so few readers.  There isn’t much content strictly about any one thing.

Ignoring that though, I also feel like I’m losing touch with way more people than I’d hoped.  I suppose part of me hoped that I wouldn’t be the only one trying to contact the other, but after an unfortunate lapse on my part I find myself in a position of confusion.  If I didn’t try to talk to them, why didn’t they try to find me?

I have a longer list of friends that I thought were good friends to rely on than I have of friends that I actually keep in contact with.  Some are out-of-state and that’s kind of understandable, but in the end it’s sad/annoying with everyone.  I get that we’re all busy, I mean I lapsed, but it really makes one feel uncared for sometimes.  Am I really the only one holding on these delusions of friendships, and when they don’t call or write to me it’s because they’re glad I’ve stopped bugging them?   I don’t want to think that, and I shouldn’t.

Part of the problem is that I used to be online and able to chat with people a lot more often.  Now I’m not, but I kind of thought that it just meant we’d talk in other ways.  Maybe I’m not making it clear enough?  I could see how people wouldn’t think that I’m available on the phone if I’m not online.

Bah, I’m such a high-schooler.

Time to move on this afternoon.  More posts to come.