Joshua and Bevin

Despite the fact that I have lots to write about… well, you know.

Many things have happened.  I am currently sitting in a Tully’s coffee shop in Issaquah waiting for Josh to finish a meeting with a guy that used to work at Apple with him.

It is raining.

We know I’m not the best writer.  We know that I don’t really practice in the way one should; I don’t make the time.  In any case, I tend to enjoy more of a free association style (maybe it’s because I’m lazy) and as such have kind of a repeating tone throughout my posts (unless I’m angry, heh).

That’s part of why I haven’t been updating this thing.  On the one hand I got aggravated with my writing style, and on the other I just felt that there was too much to catch up on.  Once I get to a certain point there’s just too much and somehow it’s okay to start writing again, because I can really just skim over the old subjects.

Feb/March has been incredibly busy for Josh and I.  We had to make the decision whether to pick up and move to downtown Portland or stay in Bellevue (we decided to go).  Then my parents started Condo hunting for their retirement with the idea that they’d rent it out to us, and bought one.  Then a former co-worker of Josh’s e-mailed him and hinted that they should get together to talk about the new software company that was just started, and whether Josh might be interested in joining their team (the latter of which was only hinted at).  I’m currently at the coffee shop waiting for this meeting to end, so that we can again decide whether to stay in Bellevue or move to Portland.

Big decisions, I know.

Josh has all but given up on flight school; it’s just too expensive.  Unless a random rich person wants to fund his schooling to eventually have an on-call personal pilot (yeah right) it’s just not that feasible.  Okay, I exaggerated a little there.  Josh doesn’t consider it feasible, because he hates getting into debt and refuses to take out a loan, even if it’s just a portion.  Bah, moving on.

We’re in limbo and it’s really odd.  I suppose that’s my point.

In other news I’ve been knitting a lot, although not as much as I’d like to.  I seem to be in a weird funk about it, and can’t motivate myself to finish the shop model.  Soon I’ll have had it so long that I’ll make that much less money on it.  We’ll see.

Okay, I’ve also lost my motivation to write the is post, haha.  Allison called me yesterday and left a message about the fact that we hadn’t talked in awhile, and in it she mentioned that she didn’t even know if we were in Portland already or not.

And you know, I’m not so sure of that myself.

I’m officially a bum when it comes to this blog.

I’m starting to like the fact that it’s public less and less. I mean, sure, Google doesn’t index my new entries (cuts down on spam), but that doesn’t mean I don’t advertise my blog in various areas (Ravelry for example).

Josh likes to do his “bah!” thing when he gets nervous/depressed, and I feel inclined to do the same lately. Stress levels for me have been high lately and I know it’s not a good thing. Part of it is work, part of it is Josh, and part of it is my inability to do some things.

I’m consistently operating under the assumption that after certain things happen life will get easier. In my head I know that these are silly things to think, because if behavior doesn’t change I’ll still be the same in the end.

I find that it’s hard having friends who are far away. My “best friend” almost never answers her phone so I don’t really have her to rely on as someone to talk to when I get upset. Another friend is going fantastic places in her life, but it also means that she’s busy a lot of the time, so coordinating conversations gets hard. Another friend works an 8-5 job Monday-Friday, so if I need to talk to her about Josh things the “when” gets a little tricky. The other friend I’d love to talk to more often doesn’t really like having phone conversations, and lately I’ve been anti-computer.

Well, unless I’m playing UT with Josh.

Part of that is why I’ve been a bum. After awhile of non-updates to the blog I just get overwhelmed with all that I have to update it with, although at this point there’s too much to cover.

I think I’m going to end this for now. At least it has been slightly updated.

I find lately that so much and so little are going on at the same time.  Enough that I don’t want to write a blog post about it at least.

Lots of hats have been knit, projects ignored, books mooched, accounts updated, news stories read, clothes bought, and cookies made.  That seems to cover most of it.

I have definitely been taking some nice pictures of the outside world occasionally though:

Which I find fun.

Speaking of cameras, Josh bought a new one.  A coworker of his had a screw up with his own Nikon D70s, and in the end accidentally got two.  Refurbished, of course, but two nonetheless.  Josh got his hands on it for a great deal (around $450), so now we have my puny Sony DSC-T1, his Nikon 5400, and now the Nikon D70s, an actual DSLR unlike the other two.

I can’t help but think that my lack of writing in this blog is a direct result of me not wanting Josh to read it, which is odd since I still don’t know what I’ll say.

I very much like the idea of having a blog, but I can’t seem to meld the blog aspect and the journal aspect, which is part of why I think I have so few readers.  There isn’t much content strictly about any one thing.

Ignoring that though, I also feel like I’m losing touch with way more people than I’d hoped.  I suppose part of me hoped that I wouldn’t be the only one trying to contact the other, but after an unfortunate lapse on my part I find myself in a position of confusion.  If I didn’t try to talk to them, why didn’t they try to find me?

I have a longer list of friends that I thought were good friends to rely on than I have of friends that I actually keep in contact with.  Some are out-of-state and that’s kind of understandable, but in the end it’s sad/annoying with everyone.  I get that we’re all busy, I mean I lapsed, but it really makes one feel uncared for sometimes.  Am I really the only one holding on these delusions of friendships, and when they don’t call or write to me it’s because they’re glad I’ve stopped bugging them?   I don’t want to think that, and I shouldn’t.

Part of the problem is that I used to be online and able to chat with people a lot more often.  Now I’m not, but I kind of thought that it just meant we’d talk in other ways.  Maybe I’m not making it clear enough?  I could see how people wouldn’t think that I’m available on the phone if I’m not online.

Bah, I’m such a high-schooler.

Time to move on this afternoon.  More posts to come.

I was walking home today after spending some time at Belle Pastry, and as I crossed 110th to get to my apartment an african american guy in an escalade leans out of his window and says to me:

“Hey move that butt that way for me!”

So friggin’ amusing.  People are awesome.

It looks like people actually read my blog again.  Or at least have the opportunity to.  I hadn’t really thought it through when I linked to it in my Ravelry account.  Of course, a few days ago Wendee (my coworker) and I were talking about Ravelry when she went to check out my page and add me as a friend… it was then that I realized that my rantings should probably be made private on the blog.  I’m a bit paranoid now because of all that talk of people not being hired (or fired even!) because of what they wrote about in their blog.

In any case, that’s it for today’s entry.  I’ll write more soon for sure.

I’ve decided that I’m a closet introvert, if that makes any sense.  I really don’t like dealing with new people, much as that might seem to not be the case, and unless I know someone really well I’m likely to just be annoyed with them.  See, I just don’t have any patience in the end.  I try to act like I do, but really I’m just plotting ways to avoid seeing these new people.

Fun, huh?

Don’t ask me where this post was going.  I’m not even sure I know.

Do you ever become emotional even though you know you shouldn’t be?  I mean, yes, we all get that way occasionally, but I didn’t really think that it would happen to me today.

Josh is gone for a week and I started my new job on Wednesday.  Today I see that my parents are still hanging around Bellevue when I get off of work so I meet them and we head to Whole Foods to get some dinner.  After dinner we head to Best Buy so my parents can contemplate buying Season 3 of Boston Legal.

In any case, by the time we were all done with that and I was home it was already past 6:30pm and my feet were not happy about it.  I’ve also been gone a lot this week what with working and spending every other night on the island with my parents, so I didn’t have a chance to attack the massive amount of dishes in the sink.  Literally, we were out of silverware, cups, and plates.  It was pretty bad.

So, I check my e-mail and the like and get to washing the dishes, something I wasn’t particularly looking forward to.  But in the end it was a good idea (aside from the obvious reasons) because Josh managed to catch an earlier flight home and I didn’t want him coming home to the petri dish that was our sink.

After those are done I decide to tackle one of the two sweaters I got at the thrift store with Lisa this week… a light blue half acrylic half angora sweater that will make great scarves and hats.  Unfortunately things with this sweater didn’t start out nicely.  Sure it’s slightly felted and I can deal with that, but for some reason one of the chain stitched threads was giving me a very hard time and I eventually put the whole project down to start on some other time.

So far my evening wasn’t the greatest, and do you want to guess what happened next?

I abandon the sweater and grab my laptop to sit on the bed to listen to some podcasts.  I’m doing fine for about half an hour when suddenly I hear something.  I look up, and our wooden bookcase (the one with all of my jars of tea, cookbooks, knitting books, and other random things) is in the process of toppling over, toward the kitchen.

And of course my tea is on the first two shelves, which are the ones that have no problem reaching the hard floor of the kitchen instead of the carpeting throughout the rest of the apartment.

I felt like yelling “four!” or something similar.  It was a fairly surreal moment: I saw the bookcase start to fall and there wasn’t anything I could do about it, so I just watched.

I sat there and thought about what had just happened trying to tell myself that I can be cool, so I get up and to assess the damage.  It looks like at least one glass jar has broken, and numerous other glass jars have opened and spilled all of their tea on the kitchen floor.

Mostly though I’m concerned for the books, because some of them might have fallen at funky angles and I didn’t want them to get bent too much.  Here’s the thing though:  While I was on the floor stacking the books into mini-floor piles I was thinking about what Josh might think if he walked in now and saw the carnage (heh).

I decided to try and call Kate to vent about the recent fiasco.  As I was leaving a message on her voicemail it became harder and harder to talk.  And for some reason at that moment I started crying.

Yup.  The waterworks were officially turned on without permission.

I’m not really sure why I started crying.  I’m not usually the type to get upset over things like this.  I didn’t even have thoughts running through my head when I was crying… I was just crying.

At that point I thought, “fuck it.”  So here I am, writing this entry with what looks like some kind of explosion behind me.  I’ve removed all of the books and piled them up nicely on the floor in haphazard formations, but other than that I haven’t touched a thing.

Oh, I did tread lightly into the kitchen and attempt to clean up some tea that had spilled out of its jar, but that just made me feel like crying again, so I gave up.

This entry is brought to you by poltergeists.